Sunday, September 30, 2007

Video Clips that scared the shit out of me when i was a kid

If you were an Aussie kid growing up during the 90s, chances are you got up or stayed up until odd hours to watch rage.

I was a highly impressionable young kid and remember sitting there in the dark, quivering, remote tightly clenched in hand, as some frightening videos played on screen. Back in the 90s, trance/techno crossover songs weren't as sexualised as they are today. There was something dingy and dark about them, conjuring up thoughts of dark places where strange people would go. (I learnt later that these places were called "nightclubs".)

Click, I'd change the channel to a bright, happy sitcom, hoping such images I'd seen wouldn't give me nightmares.

After watching "A night at the Roxbury", I was reminded of such songs from my childhood rage watching, particularly that of Brainbug's "Nightmare".
"That's the alien song!" I yelped. "That song scared the shit out of me as a kid!"

With the help of Youtube, I uncovered these songs of memories past.

Video Clips That Scared the Shit of out Me when i was a kid

Brainbug - Nightmare

The song itself is fairly sinister sounding, but I'm relatively sure I had nightmares (har har) about this video clip when I was a kid. I wasn't wrong about the aliens. This also reminds me when I watched the terribly authoritive show "A Current Affair" one night when they interviewed a man who had apparently been abducted by an alien. They even showed obviously real footage of an alien! It never occurred to me that it was just a recreation of what the fellow supposedly saw. It didn't stop me from telling people in Year 4, very seriously, that aliens were DEFINITELY REAL because I saw them on TV!

Great song though. You gotta laugh at the awful costumes and flying saucers on strings flying about. Maybe I was scared of the dodgy special effects.

Chemical Brothers - Hey Boy, Hey Girl

Again, another somewhat sinister-sounding song with an equally terrifying video clip. Well, now that I watch it, my initial reaction is "HAHA CGI SKELETONS HAHA". But for some reason I remember completely crapping myself at the sight of skeletons dancing at a nightclub. I mean, argh. SKELETONS. I WANT MY MUMMY.
It's still a little bit creepy to this day. However, all fears are quashed at the end when that dodgy taxi driver/skeleton says, "Where you going, baybeh?"

Hooverphonics - Mad about you

When I saw this video clip as a youngun, I had a fairly basic understanding of love and sex. Men and women fell in love with each other. Sometimes men and men, or women and women. NOT WOMAN AND PLANT. This video clip definitely tugged the "this is wrong!" sensors in my brain. Later, I would find out that compared to beastiality, pedophilia, hentai tentacle sex, foot fetishes etc. it wasn't really that weird at all.

Still disturbs me a little bit though.

Green Jelly - Little Pig

Man, you try hearing the story about the Three Little Pigs then seeing this video clip. Mind warping for sure. I think I was also against bad, squishy claymation that seemed to be quite the novel special effect back then too.

X-Files Techno Remix

Ok, so this isn't the original video clip for the song. But seriously, what was the scariest thing you ever watched when you were a kid growing up in the 90s? That's right, the X-Files. Listening to the techno remix just made me think of the show, and I'd say this fanvideo pretty much sums up my thought process.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I'll add more if I can think of any.

For now, enjoy a video clip that scares the shit out of me TODAY>

Look at those high waisted pants! Camel toes galore. It makes me cringe, cross my legs, and thank god that I was not of clubbing age during the 90s.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Lies! Damn, dirty Lies!

I am an awful liar. If I lie to you, I’ll break down and tell you the truth eventually. The very most I do is exaggerate things for narrative effect, or cover up things to save my ass (Erm, no mum, I'm not hungover, just a bit tired. And i have a headache. And i'm throwing up vodka). But I could never look you in the eye and tell you something completely false. Don’t ever ask me to play a practical joke on someone.

So it was with great disaster that I told a huge porky to my boss today.
“I can’t work next Monday morning,” I said, “as I have a uni exam.”
“Oh, okay,” said my boss. Then she stopped and looked at me strangely. “Aren’t you on uni holidays then?”
Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, said my brain, as I metaphorically soiled my pants.
“Erm,” I stumbled, “it’s, um, yeah, I have an exam that day for some reason.”
“It’s a bit odd,” she said pointedly, and left it at that.

I’m relatively sure she knows I’m lying. You see, I don’t have an exam next Monday at all. It is my best friend’s birthday party on Sunday night and I plan to get properly inebriated with her. The funny thing is that my boss is quite a nice lady and probably would be okay with me skipping work for my friend’s party. But there is then the discourse in truth. If I had said, “Sorry boss, can’t go to work next week because I plan to par-tay hard with my best friend on Sunday night”, she would probably wonder what kind of idiot would tell that to her boss.

Definitely not what I will be doing next Monday morning*

I felt sick for the next few hours as I tried to convince myself that if my boss found out I was lying, I wouldn’t get fired. Probably just a stern talking to. I hope.

In my ideal world, everyone would tell the truth. Lies and bullshit would be outlawed. It just causes unnecessary drama. Imagine, if you will, instead of this situation, which I have heard many times:

Boy: You are an amazing and truly beautiful human being. Do you want to go out with me?
Girl: Alas, I cannot be with you. I believe our romance would destroy the beautiful friendship we hold. My fragile heart is jaded from past relationships and I would only break yours.
Boy: Boo hoo, emo fit waaah.
Later, Boy bitches and psychoanalyses the girl’s mysterious comments to all his friends. Ad verbatim. Ad fucking verbatim.

We would have a far less convoluted explanation here:

Boy: I need someone of the opposite sex to validate my self-esteem. Do you want to be that person?
Girl: No, I’m not attracted to you in the slightest.
Boy: Damn.

In this world, we could tell girls they look fat in that dress and never see bums hanging out of hotpants ever again.
Employers would have to resign themselves to the fact that their employees have lives too and need time to live them, and thus have realistic expectations of the worker.
I truly believe people would respect politicians more if they told the truth, even if that truth is not what eveybody wants to hear (At least I would know who to vote for. I am so very conflicted at the moment that I plan to vote for the Shooters Party and the Fishing Party so I can shoot fish).
Infidelity wouldn’t exist. People would say, “I want to go shag this other person” and instead of being busted on ‘Cheaters’ and screaming like fat black women, the other person would realise that the one they love isn’t worth it, and such a relationship would end with both parties somewhat satisfied.

If everybody told the truth, there would be no need for fat people taking off their clothes on Jerry Springer**

Real friends would be easier to identify and again, people would have more realistic expectations
(It's not that I don't want to hang out with you, it's that I just want to some 'me' time, okay?)
In this world, truth would be universally accepted and everybody wouldn’t get so angry about things. Subsequently, people would put more thought into their actions rather than relying on lies to get out of trouble.
Life would be so much easier. I think that would be wonderful.

* As a side note: When I looked up "exam" on Google Images, all the photos on the front page were of testicular or vaginal exams. What.
** As another side note: When I looked up "cheaters" i got porn, and that is why I chose a Jerry Springer picture instead. And you should have seen what I got when I looked up "big black woman"

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

A letter to everybody in America

Dear Americans,

I formally offer an apology for making fun of you all being fat.

Whilst in Montville, Dan and I visited a wonderful lolly shop. This lolly shop sold a wide variety of sugary sweets, including ones imported from America.

Dan purchased a little packet of Reese's.

For those who don't know, Reese's are a delicious little cup of chocolate filled with peanut butter.

After eating many of these the other night, I now understand why Americans are fat. How could you not eat these delicious morsels, so fortunately available to buy?

I empathise, my lucky American friends. If I lived in your country full of delicious lollies, I would be obese too.

love from an Australian fan of American lollies.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I am a whore

I have a confession to make. I'm a dirty internet whore.

I have the following on the interwebs:
- This blog
- An inactive LJ and a separate (also inactive) account to comment on friend's journals
- A myspace which I use a LOT
- A facebook which I've just started using.
- A deviantart account (haven't used it for a while)

Bloody hell! I'm such a nerd. Mum was saying to me last night that when I was little, I would run over to those touch screens at schopping centres and press all the buttons.
Also, on my birthday in history, a South Korean dude died from playing too much Starcraft. How fitting.

*sigh* I really should do some uni work.

Monday, September 10, 2007

dream of californication

I'm a bit slow.

I have started watching Californication and have been rather enjoying it. Basically, it's about a divorced, slightly alcoholic writer named Hank (David Duchovny...phwoar) trying to get his life back together. Crude sexual jokes, lightning quick insults, odd sex scenes and David Duchovny make for an enjoyable show.

In the first episode, Hank has sex with a girl called Mia. Mia, we find out later, is the 16 year old daughter of his ex-wife's new boyfriend (wtf?).

Anyway, the episode shows a quick scene of Mia humping the living christ out of Hank (and punching him in the face, for good measure), complete with boobs bouncing about.

"She's pretty hot," my non-lesbian-but-appreciation-of-the-female-form part of my brain said.

Mia is the girl on the far right.

Imagine my astonishment, then, when I was informed that Mia is played by Madeleine Zima.

You've heard that name before, haven't you.

Yes! She's none other than Gracie, the sweet little kid from The Nanny.

And I've seen her nipples.


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