Brisbane suburbs

On Facebook, there is a popular quiz around at the moment called "Whereabouts in the Brisbane region do you belong?"

I got Manly. I went to school there.

Ellie completed the quiz "Whereabouts in the Brisbane region do you belong?" with the result Manly.
No one ever pays you out for living here, it's just a great place, nothing ever happens here (things like stabbings, drugs etc). People probably like you a lot, and you live close to a lot of friends.

No stabbings and no drugs? This is the suburb next to Wynnum - place of dodgy underage house parties, Bundy Rum drinkers and hoons. 

The first person I ever met who took drugs was from Manly, so there you go. The quiz is wrong.

My friend Josh from 4ZZZ got this result:

Josh completed the quiz "Whereabouts in the Brisbane region do you belong?" with the result Cleveland.
Your from Cleveland. You have a lot of money at your disposal, you've probably never got in a fight, and your just pretty much safer than anyone. Except you gotta travel a million km just to get anywhere, and people aren't exactly safe at your pub - so jokes on you fucker.

I grew up in Alex Hills, the suburb next to Cleveland, place of the infamous Alex Hills Hotel (and my old workplace!). Cleveland is indeed full of mansions and rich old bastards, but "safe" and no fights? No way. I used to work in a newsagency in Cleveland and often witnessed drunken fights and public domestics on a day-to-day basis. On a Sunday morning. In the middle of town. The train station is a hotspot for young hoods on their way to a dodgy Wynnum house party. 

So whoever made this quiz has obviously only been to the east side and doesn't know Brisbane that well at all. 

Suburbs indeed have their own personality. I grew up on the Bayside, dated boys on the westside and northside (what a slut!), worked in the inner south side, used to go to uni and taekwondo training on the southside, and now currently work inner city.

So I'm pretty sure I know Brisbane way better than whoever made that quiz.

Match up the suburbs to your personality and see how you go.

Bayside (Wynnum, Alex Hills, Cleveland)
You may either come from a filthy rich or super poor family, had a state or private school education, but it doesn't matter - you are a bogan. You enjoy driving very old, crappy cars and putting rear spoilers made out of a few bits of scrap metal on the back. Or a ute. Anyway, cars are very important because the public transport is so rubbish where you live. In your spare time, you enjoy getting as drunk as possible, and have done so since an early age. But you're an angry drunk and you fight in public a lot. Your drink of choice is Jim Beam or Bundy Rum. You wear boardshorts everywhere. But if you escape where you live, you'll probably end up being famous and successful.



Indie rock wet dream The Grates are from the Bayside. So is Karl Stefanovic, but The Grates are prettier. Sorry Karl. My mum thinks you're hot though.

East side (Carindale, Carina, Hawthorne, Norman Park)
You are a 15 year old private school girl who is constantly at a Westfield shopping centre - especially Supre - or trendily drinking a skinny latte on Oxford St. You love fashion that doesn't last - skinny jeans, fashionable mullets, those stupid tights that don't have feet, etc. You're a bit sheltered; things like people with piercings, pubs that are frequented by old men and alternative music tends to confuse and scare you.



What's the bloody point?!

South Side (Mt Gravatt, Sunnybank,  Greenslopes, Annerley)
You are a bit of a conundrum. At times you are studious, wholesome, family-oriented and avidly attend university. But other times, you're in a gang who likes beating up people other gangs and putting the footage on YouTube. You like Asian food a lot.

Inner south side (South Brisbane, West End, Woolloongabba)
You're very political or radical in some way. Basically, you're not a middle class, straight, conservative white guy. You don't have a lot of money but it doesn't stop you from making your own fun. You love music, art and getting involved in local politics. Other people try and change you to be  modern and trendy but it doesn't really suit you.

North side (Lutwyche, Kedron, Newmarket)
Overall, you're a pretty peaceful, quiet sort. But others tend to ruin your day by building busways around you, or submerging you in water.

Chermside
You're a big shopping centre. Mothers are cheating on their husbands with you because you have a fine taste for fashion and you're good with kids.

Inner north (Red Hill, Kelvin Grove, Herston, Normanby)
You're the new kid from out of town, seeking your future - an education, a job, or maybe just a beer on Sunday afternoon.

West side (Toowong, Indooroopilly, St Lucia, Kenmore, Milton)
You're a university student who is doing a Bachelor of Arts... forever. Or you're a rich private school boy. Either way you will probably become a famous writer or super rich lawyer in the future.

Although the street Nick Earls's ZigZag Street is actually in Red Hill (inner north), most of the book is set in Toowong, Milton and the University of Queensland at St Lucia.

You can take the virtual tour here. Very cool!

Rebecca Sparrow's book The Girl Most Likely is also set on the west side. My favourite quote: "It's just that... we love shopping at POOwong!"

Inner city (Fortitude Valley, Spring Hill, New Farm)
You love partying a lot, having casual sex and urinating in public. On the other hand you dress well and probably have an awesome day job (graphic designer, proprietor of an independent coffee shop, radio host, nightclub DJ). You like eating expensive gourmet hamburgers.

North east side (Breakfast Creek, Hamilton, Ascot)
You are filthy rich, old, like drinking beer from a barrel and smell faintly of fish. 


As for my Brisbane suburban personality? I guess because I travel around town a lot I'm a bit of everything - a bogan-ish university student who likes partying, Asian food and local politics and was once a naive 15 year old private school girl. Oh, and I've been submerged in water for the last few days

I've obviously missed out the areas I don't know that well. I've never really been northwest around Ferny Grove and the like, and even though everybody tells me that Logan and Ipswich are full of bogans, I've never actually spent time there.

If any readers out there want to fill me in on other Brisbane suburb personalities, be my guest.

Or if you're from another city, tell me about yours.

What I have learnt about marriage from STFU Marrieds

Marriage. It's not on the top of my list of priorities in life and I could live without it, but I do like the idea of having a big party to celebrate loving someone for the rest of your life. Mainly because I like parties, especially cake. 



Mmm, cake.


Josh and I are not traditional romantics. We would both rather have a messy, beery night at Inferno than go out to a fancy dinner. We give each other a cuddle as often as we smack each other over the head when one of us makes a terrible joke. We say "I love you' as often as "You're a douchebag". In a loving, juvenile way, of course. And that's the way I like it. Sure, we have our mushy, sentimental moments, but I'd rather keep those private because that's how they're supposed to be.

So I'm fascinated by the discovery of a blog called STFU Marrieds, a blog that chronicles the Facebook activities between married couples.

I'm pretty crap at relationships in general, so I guess it does no harm to learn about the institution of marriage. Doesn't look like it'll get any better in the future if this blog is anything to go by.

- You're not allowed to stay the night at your friend's house. That's a bummer. I used to stay over at my mate's house all the time after work and would pass out on his couch after getting disgustingly drunk. Josh never had a problem with it, mainly cuz this was at 3 in the morning and he was usually asleep. Can't say he's ever thrown me out of the house because of it either. 

Husbands who work are obviously neglecting their wifey poos, too.

NO EARNING MONEY OR HAVING OUTSIDE INTERESTS FOR YOU, MR HUSBAND!

- Sniffing your husband or watching your wife sleep is romantic, not creepy.

- You must update your Facebook whenever you're doing anything with your loved one.

"Here you go babe, I made breakfast in bed because I love you so much."
"Awesome! (stuffs toast in mouth) I have to tell everybody on Facebook! (whips out laptop out of nowhere and munches on bacon)"
"Um...babe? Hello?"



Even on your honeymoon!


- It's totally okay to air your passive-aggressive relationship problems that most people would struggle to say in private... on Facebook.

Do these couples not have mutual friends? Pretty sure Josh's friends on my friends list wouldn't be impressed if I posted on Facebook every time we had a fight.

- There is nothing to do in life except wait for your husband to come home.

- Forget going to the movies, to the pub, out for a drive, out to dinner, or to a show... All married couples do is watch TV on the couch together. I barely watch TV. Obviously I will be a crap wife.

- It's not TMI if you're married. Everyone on Facebook needs to know about your sex life, cuz you're married and it's very very special.

- But I guess the crux of all this Facebook married business is that married couples think everybody on the Internet wants to know everything they're doing and that they're married.

- And that marriage destroys every piece of individuality you have to the point where you cannot function without them.Hobbies? Interest in the world around you? Personality? Nah, the only thing that matters is anything your significant other says or does. You're not two people going out with each other. You're one being - a couple.



We...are...denim.

- Moreover, saying inimate, loving things to your partner should be splashed all over Facebook for everyone to see, even when they're right next to you.

Remember, Romeos and Juliets: One person's "romantic" is another person's "nauseous."



Please slap me if I ever get married and make Facebook posts like that.

Heard from the mouths of babes

Kids crack me up sometimes.

Little Boy: (pointing) "Mummy, what's that?"
Mum: "That's a (whatever it was)"
Little Boy: (in New Zealand accent) "Awww... true bro."



Yeah broo!

Dad: "Could you go put these in the car?"
Kid: "Yeah okay... BRB"

Brother: (looking at miniature Buddha statue) "Who's that?"
Sister: "That's Buddha."
Brother: "Who's he?"
Sister: "I dunno, I think he eats children."

Son: "Daddy! Daddy! Look what I can do!"
Dad: "What's that?"
Son: (makes fart noises with his armpit)
Dad: (cracks up laughing)

Facebook 5

I post a lot of stuff on Facebook - videos, excellent links and photos. So much stuff that I realised I should post it on my blog rather than annoy everybody on my friends list.

1. A video game bar to be opened in Brisbane
This is way too cool. It combines two things in life that I love - video games and drinking. I am so excited that I think I will drink there every night. Either that or I'll work there, as a bartender or undisputed Mario Kart champion.

2. Sausage thief
This is the funniest story I have read all day. All week even. Firstly, the word sausage is hilarious. Secondly, the person who finds the Sausage King will be rewarded...with 10kg of sausages. Thirdly, he is being called "the icon of Toowoomba". The Toowoomba Chronicle's version is chock-full of puns and gets funnier and funnier as you read on.

“I hope the King hasn't been snagged anywhere or is not being given too much of a
grilling.”

3. In other news of immense hilarity...


4. Kittens Inspired by Kittens



A young girl chirpily provides the strange dialogue between pictures of kittens eg. "I'm a magician!" Obviously someone has nerdy parents who look at too much Lolcats. Hency why if I ever have a daughter, she should be exactly like this girl.

While on the subject of cats...

5. Russian lolcats

Translation: Cease your protests, the deal is done! You are to make a fine wife for uncouth American businessman!

I don't think I have anything to add to this.... just click it.

In conclusion, facebook is excellent.