Advice for the broken hearted (or anyone about to get their wisdom teeth out)

Having your heart broken is like having your wisdom teeth taken out.

On the first day, you vomit blood, can't move and the pain is excruciating. Because you know, you've had something torn out of your body. Of course it's going to hurt.

For the next few days, it's hard to eat, talk, or do anything except sleep. It still hurts. You end up doing odd things to compensate for your pain, like solely eating disgusting jelly or ice cream instead of normal food. It's not much fun at all and you feel pretty miserable and sorry for yourself.

That's okay. Everyone feels like this when it happens. It's all part of the healing process. 

But after a while, if you take care of yourself, the pain subsides. You're able to move again and do the old things you used to be able to do. The pain is still there. It's more like a dull ache, but you're able to do things now.

The pain doesn't last forever. It goes away more quickly than you think. You never forget it, but it doesn't hurt any more. 

When band-whoring goes wrong.

Myspace is great for keeping up with bands. That local band that you saw at the pub last week will most likely have a myspace so you can listen to that rockin' tune you danced to, put a name to it, find out when they're gigging next, if they're recording a sweet EP, etc. 

Some bands post bulletins every now and again announcing such news.

A local band added me recently. They were pretty good so I added them back.

Unfortunately they are the biggest online whores on the planet. I constantly received comments, messages and bulletins from them. 

Saying the same thing.

They're not the only bands who do this. I have deleted a few bands off myspace for doing the same thing, which can't be doing much for their fanbase.

I posted the following rant on myspace (via a bulletin, ironically enough...):

I just deleted a band off my friends list for posting 5 bulletins. 

In a row. 

Saying the same thing. 

This is a real bummer because they're actually a pretty good band but seriously, I do NOT need that many bulletins saying THE SAME FUCKING THING on my page. 

Seriously, if you have some cool shit going on, post like one bulletin or something and put the info on your main page. If you have decent fans who have half a brain, they will look at your actual site if they wanna know what's going on. If they don't know how to do this then TOUGH FUCKING BISCUITS, THEY MISS OUT BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO STUPID TO USE THE INTERNET. 

Or do the old fashioned thing - posters, word of mouth, street teams, merch stands at your gigs, whatever. If people are interested they will check it out. Getting in people's faces online will drive people away because NOBODY LIKES SPAM.

Conclusion: All bulletins and no music make Ellie a very pissed-off music fan. End rant.

Word to your mother.

Anyone who’s been following my Twitter or Facebook lately will have seen me express my rage at the word “alcopop”.

For any non-Aussie readers, the Australian government introduced a tax on pre-mixed drinks (eg. Vodka Cruisers, Bundy and Cola, my old favourite Smirnoff Blacks, etc) to reduce binge drinking last year. It was definitely not put into place so the government could get more money and has actually done nothing to reduce binge drinking, but I digress. This week the bill is being reviewed again. Naturally, everybody is talking about it.

It occurred to me as I was reading the news that the word “alcopop” was really bothering me. I think it’s because it’s not a word!

I’m not going to lie; I did partake in drinking activities when I was a young ‘un, and it’s pretty much a given that the underage drinking kiddies enjoy pre-mixed drinks. Who could blame them? The sugar content gets you drunk, there's usually more than one standard drink in one can/bottle which gets you drunk, and knocking down a few that pretty much taste like coke or juice gets you drunk. Did I mention they get you drunk?

But at no point in my early drinking career did I ever use the word “alcopop” and I have never heard any other 15-year-old on the train to a Wynnum house party use it.



Here I am at the tender age of 16, about to stab my friend with a Midori Illusion. Oh, the horrors of underage binge drinking!


So this means I never had this conversation:

Me: I am going to a fully sick party, man.
Male friend over 18: That is rad to the max, dudette.
Me: Like totally, homie G. Could you do us a favour and pick up a 6 pack of alcopops?
Male friend over 18: Fo shizzle, my nizzle.

I think this word was invented by Kevin Rudd, and merely indicates how out of touch with the youth he is. Yes K-Rudd, I know you have a pimped-out myspace but come on, you’re not fooling anyone.

The government are the kings of made-up words. Take for instance, the Cronulla Riots. Awful business that was, and it got about eight thousand times more awful when some clever clogs declared that it was “un-Australian”.

It’s not a word! Plus that word has been bantered about the press so much that I’m not actually sure what it means any more. It seems to be applied to when someone does something naughty. I mean, obviously you’d hope that beating up minorities wasn’t part of the national psyche. But considering it’s applied to matters of general human morality rather than nationalistic values, I don’t think it actually means anything. Probably because it’s not a word!



Luckily, these girls don't have to worry about being called "un-Australian".


Hugh McKay sums the debate up quite nicely in his article in The Age: “So let's not get carried away by hubris: Australians are no better than anyone else when it comes to occupation of the moral high ground”.

Also see Queensland Opposition Leader Lawrence Springborg’s use of "de-necessary" – which is not only grammatically incorrect, but also not a word! Good effort at trying to distract angry unionists from the fact that you’re cutting jobs in an unstable economic climate, Mr S! It didn't really work because they ended up making an entire campaign website about it.

I am also doing a subject called New Media. It is basically about using the internet, which I thought would be cool because I’m geeky. It’s not. I try and be a good student and read my ridiculously overpriced textbook but it’s very hard to when it’s full of many long, obscure words that have obviously been invented by someone who is VERY VERY CLEVER.

Take this sentence, for instance:
“Overly optimistic or pessimistic accounts of the impact of new media, or ‘cyberbole’, have been countered by approaches that seek to identify a middle ground between extreme positions.”

I think this is basically about people who either hate or love the internet. I’m not sure because I am obviously not academic and clever enough to understand.
But really, ‘cyberbole’? CYBERBOLE?! Oh look, it’s a clever play on words with ‘cyber’ and ‘hyperbole’. In case you didn’t pick it up already and were confused because it’s not a word!

Today in class we also discussed “folksonomy”. I’d never heard of the word until now. I thought it had something to do with folk music, but alas I am wrong.

Apparently it's one of those new buzzwords that has come along with "Web 2.0" (never quite understood that, I don't remember someone saying "Look! I made a new internet!"), "social networking" (when is networking not social in some way?) and "convergence" (which was already a word, but has been whored out in academic circles like a prostitute born with extra genitalia. Made of crack.).

We then had to answer the following questions in the tutorial. Here are my answers:

3. What are the limitations of folksonomy?
It’s not a word!!!

4. What are the strengths of folksonomy?
Confusing simple-minded journalism students.

I just heard that the "alcopop" tax was voted out. Thank goodness. I'm going to celebrate by knocking back a 6-pack of Midori Illusions, for old times sake.

Nipple St terminology

I love my living situation at the moment.

I currently live in Nipple St. That's not its real name. Our street name has odd spelling and I mispronounced it as "Nippy". But I thought Nipple St sounded better, so that's what I call it.

The Nipple St house is a huge Queenslander which has been divided into two homes. Josh, a housemate and I live on one side and Josh's (and mine now I spose) good mates Bob and Brendan live on the other side. Bob's girlfriend Kristi pops in a fair bit and I occasionally see a few randos (see below) partying on down on the couch. It's a fun house full of beer and barbecue.

The beer of choice at Nipple St. Can we get a sponsorship now please?

We spend a lot of time together. For the interests of sociology, I started to document the new emerging linguistics in the house, mainly due to Toowoomba and Bundaberg influences. There are a lot of words we use around each other that I don't think the general public use.

Here are my favourites:

Ruckus: n.Origin: Bob and Brendan.
Chaotic, usually refers to partying or some sort of alcohol.
"What are you doing this weekend?"
"I dunno, I might drink some beer and cause a ruckus."
Sometimes an adjective.
"Dude, that's ruckus!"

Ludicrous, luda: adj. Origin: Bob and Brendan, possibly some guy they know.
Crazy, overwhelming. Something cool.
(while watching the guy from Jackass shove a toy car in his arse) "Woah...ludicrous."


Barpet, Rumpet, Scarpet: n. Origin: Josh's old sharehouse in Toowomba.
For when you spill an alcoholic beverage on the carpet. Barpet is spilt beer, rumpet is spilt rum, scarpet is spilt scotch, you get the idea.
"Look out for that rumpet! It's sticky."

Atom: n. Origin: Josh, apparently a Toowoomba thing.
Refers to Automatic Teller Machine
"I have to get some money from the atom..."

Slutwitch: n. Origin: Everybody who lives on the northside.
The suburb of Lutwyche, which is near Nipple St. Does not have any slutty witches at all.
"Let's go to the bottle-o at Slutwitch."

Rando: n. Origin: Kristi.
Short for "randoms", meaning various people of a miscellaneous nature.
"Hey, there's some rando passed out on the couch."

Cabbage: n. Origin: ??
Cab.
"We'd better call for some cabbage before we all pass out and die."

Episodes: n. Origin: Bob and Kristi?
TV shows.
"Wanna come over and watch some episodes?"

Cobber: n. Origin: Very old Aussie slang word, revived by Bob and Brendan.
A friend.
"Hey cobber, could you pass me a beer?"

Gee-Day: expression. Origin: Josh
A different way of saying G'day.
"I thought I'd pop round and say gee-day."

What's crackin'?: expression. Origin: ??
A more excellent way of asking "how are you?"

Herro shitty wok, you want some shitty chicken?: expression. Origin: South Park.
A common greeting in the Nipple St house.

Imagine my joy when I found an honest to goodness City Wok in Brisbane!

Bobtunes: n. Origin: Josh
The music Bob plays on his electronic drumkit.
"Oi! Play us some Bobtunes!"

Balls: expression. Origin: Me
The perfect word for just about everything.
"Oh, balls."
"Holy balls!"
"Well I ballsed that up, didn't I."

There are many other words but most of them are fairly incriminating, so let's keep this blog PG for now.

Eventually you end up saying things like

"Gee-Day cobber, what's crackin'? We're causing a ruckus at Nipple St with some randos, watching some episodes and listening to some Bobtunes. Ludicrous! Don't worry about driving, I'll get you some cabbage. Mind the scarpet though."

Uni Student Nightmares

At around lunchtime today I was growing more and more hungry.

I wandered around the kitchen, searching for leftovers that could be cooked in 3 minutes in the microwave, and was struck by a brilliant idea of brilliance: Two minute noodles!

Inside the pantry I found a big bag of sugar, tomato sauce, a bag of rice and some biscuits... but no 2 minute noodles.



This guy would probably go on a homicidal ninja rampage if he ran out of 2 minute noodles.




I gasped in horror and immediately my brain started descending into a pit of insanity. Insanity meaning that I was readily considering strolling down the road to our local Disgusting Fried Animal Restaurant to eat. This is not good.

I realised that I was experiencing a Uni Student Nightmare.


As I munch on a poor unfortunate but delicious creature (sorry RSPCA), I thought up some more Uni Student Nightmares...

- Running out of beer/coffee.

- The pub no longer takes your student discount card. Or in my case, it burns down soon after you have scored said card.

- The guild bar is closed.

- Lecturers who don't put their lectures online, thus screwing you over when you have to skip your lecture due to sleeping/procrastinating/killer hangover...

- Centrelink.

- Listening to a fellow student who lives at home, wearing trendy clothes, bitching about how they can't afford an iPod.

- Pretentious students who actually put up their hand and talk for a very long time or ask complicated questions in lectures.

- When someone's phone rings in a lecture.

- When your phone rings in a lecture.

- Finding out that the dude who's been stalking you for the last semester is in your lecture/tute.

- Finding out the guy you're stalking isn't in your lecture/tute.

- 8am classes.

- The idea that eventually you won't be able to be a uni slacker any more, but rather a contributing member of society with a real job...

Terrifying!

Heard from the mouths of babes

Kids crack me up sometimes.

Little Boy: (pointing) "Mummy, what's that?"
Mum: "That's a (whatever it was)"
Little Boy: (in New Zealand accent) "Awww... true bro."



Yeah broo!

Dad: "Could you go put these in the car?"
Kid: "Yeah okay... BRB"

Brother: (looking at miniature Buddha statue) "Who's that?"
Sister: "That's Buddha."
Brother: "Who's he?"
Sister: "I dunno, I think he eats children."

Son: "Daddy! Daddy! Look what I can do!"
Dad: "What's that?"
Son: (makes fart noises with his armpit)
Dad: (cracks up laughing)