Talk Nerdy to Me

(wrote this a while ago, but recently finished it for a tute exercise)

It's official. I have a nerd fetish.


They're babes and you know it.

Characteristics which attract the opposite sex are usually quite generalised. Some women like the studly, muscly type, with sculpted stubble and a bum that can crack walnuts. Some women are into the arty, sensitive type, who wear poor boy caps, waffle on about politics, and drink imported beer. Some women are even into the effeminate emo types, like some girls like squealing over plush toys.

I've gone out with a few different types of guys. From a Filipino break dancer to a gothic weightlifter, it would seem that I have a rather eclectic taste in men. However, I have recently realised what my taste really is, and why I've picked the right man.

My friend Katey recently showed me this epic video - Ryan Vs Dorkman. They're two young men duelling each other, lightsaber style.



You may notice the part in the video when Dorkman slashes Ryan's leg. Ryan stumbles for a second, then assumes a ready stance. The camera zooms in on Dorkman, who wields his lightsaber, adjusts his glasses, and fixes a steely glare at Ryan.

"Mmm," I said. "Dorkman's dreamy."
"I'd hit that," agreed Katey.

Wait a minute. I was swooning over a bespectacled, lightsaber-wielding nerd. Aren't I supposed to be salivating over Justin Timberlake or something? Squealing orgasmically at Zac Efron? Humping the air at Orlando Bloom?

It's simple; I love nerd boys. Yes, that's right. The ones that get excited about video games and swordfighting. The ones that indulge in internet humour and call each other n00bs. The ones that have spirited debates over whether Wiis are better than Playstations and if pirates could beat ninjas. The socially awkward ones that stammer when they talk to girls. The pale, slightly plump or slightly skinny and glasses-wearing ones. I found myself watching the bumbling, socially awkward boys in Superbad and declaring, “They’re all babes. Especially McLovin’.”

Of course, you get the odd horrible nerd who will think you're pathetic because you haven't watched all the Star Wars movies, and hates women because they spurn his creepy, stalkerish advances. Not to mention the ones that look at Asian girls (like myself) and associate them with ditzy, submissive anime girls who wear gravity-defying short skirts. But they're a minority.

I think it's because I'm a bit of a nerd myself. I'm instantly comfortable around a nerd because nerds are less likely to snub you because you're into retro video games, B-grade horror movies and saying "LOL" in public. “Normal” guys just don't understand.

Nerds are fantastic to date. Most of them are intelligent, have an unpredictable sense of humour and can fix your computer. And picking up a nerd boy is a piece of cake; you don’t have to dress like a catwalk model. In fact, you’d get more of a response if you wore a shirt making an obscure reference to an old Nintendo game.


Most girls dream of a muscly Prince Charming who will dress like he just walked off the set of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”, take them out to expensive restaurant, then light rose-scented candles when they take them back to their high-rise city apartment. It sounds nice, but I can't help thinking that I'd die of boredom in the middle of it. I can't be the only girl like this. Give me a nerd guy who will take me to see a Tarantino movie, eat pizza then take me back to his messy bedroom to play Wii Tennis anyday.