For the last four days, I have been waking up at stupid o'clock every morning, trudged my arse through morning traffic to QUT and produced various news stories for the uni's radio station.
I would like to vehemently state that I want to be a print or online journalist and want no part in this broadcasting tomfoolery whatsoever. Please feel free to slap me over the head with a novelty-sized giant fish if I ever say, "I think I'll go for a radio job..."
(I'm listening to my own story on the radio at the moment. I'm doing the entertainent wrap-up but I sound like I'm reading a eulogy).
Anyway, enough of my lack of radio prowess and the fact that I don't sound like Sandra Sully. I would like to talk about phone monkeys.
My news stories were written at the very last minute, making deadline (or not) by a hair. A nose hair.
It wasn't because I'm a slow writer (or slow in the brain even). It was because it would take at least two hours to finally get someone on the phone.
Here's how 95% of my interviewing went...
Phone monkey: Hello?
Me: Hello, I'm Ellie from QUT News and 4EB radio. I'm putting together a story on cheese smuggling and was wondering if I could talk to the Minister of Cheese.
Phone monkey: What is this about?
Me: Cheese smuggling
Phone monkey: For who?
Me: QUT News and 4EB radio.
Phone monkey: He's in a meeting.
Me: Oh... do you know when it will be finished?
Phone monkey: No. But I can put you through to our media representative.
Me: Okay, sure.
Ring ring...ring ring...
Media representative: Hello, Captain Twat, media representative of Twat Enterprises, how may I help you?
Me: Hello, I'm Ellie from QUT News, blah blah blah.
Media representative: I'm busy. Can I call you back?
Me: Sure, our phone number is blah blah blah. If you could call back before 11 o'clock (before deadline, you smarmy motherfucker) that would be great.
Media representative: Okay, sure.
Many hours later, ten minutes before the story is going to air and after I've picked a completely new story altogether...
Ring ring... ring ring...
Me: Hello QUT News, Ellie speaking.
Media representative: Hello, it's Captain Twat here. I'm ringing you back to tell you that I don't want to be interviewed.
Me: ... great. Bye.
And this happened even, I shit you not, when I was putting together the entertainment wrap-up. I went through a secretary and two media representatives before I got onto one fellow who said that he was not allowed to be quoted to the media. Considering that all I wanted to ask was what was happening at the museum this weekend, I find it all to be a bit ridiculous.
The only times I got a good interview was when I somehow managed to get a hold of the source's direct line and talked to them first, without the secretaries and PR bastards in the way telling me that everybody I want to talk to is overseas, interstate, in a meeting, or can't talk to the media. Even then, this one woman I talked to was so sour and grumpy (because talking about farmers' markets is a sensitive topic apparently) that I didn't end up using her grab for fear of her voice destroying the souls of anybody who listened to it.
So, fuck you phone monkeys.
Thankyou for making my job harder.
Thankyou for telling me I can read what your CEO said on your website, even though I just told you I'm doing a radio news story and need an interview.
Thankyou for being an absolute bitch for no reason. I hope you tell your boss about it and he fires you on the spot for not letting him talk on radio.
But mainly, thankyou for inspiring me to seek news stories from community groups, activists, and real people in the future rather than go through the bullshit of bureaucracy at a government level.
The only times I got a good interview was when I somehow managed to get a hold of the source's direct line and talked to them first, without the secretaries and PR bastards in the way telling me that everybody I want to talk to is overseas, interstate, in a meeting, or can't talk to the media. Even then, this one woman I talked to was so sour and grumpy (because talking about farmers' markets is a sensitive topic apparently) that I didn't end up using her grab for fear of her voice destroying the souls of anybody who listened to it.
So, fuck you phone monkeys.
Thankyou for making my job harder.
Thankyou for telling me I can read what your CEO said on your website, even though I just told you I'm doing a radio news story and need an interview.
Thankyou for being an absolute bitch for no reason. I hope you tell your boss about it and he fires you on the spot for not letting him talk on radio.
But mainly, thankyou for inspiring me to seek news stories from community groups, activists, and real people in the future rather than go through the bullshit of bureaucracy at a government level.
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2 comments:
Oh dear. I didnt blog about my radio experience because I thought my TV prac was more suited to the whole theme of the blog. However I dont need to now anyway, as you have pretty much just said what I wanted to say. I cant quite say what I sounded like on the radio, as every time it was broadcasted I mysteriously "went to the bathroom".
I never got to be newsreader (Oh, what a shame!) as I also lived on the edge and most days just met the deadline. On the phone issue - I think the people with the smallest amounts of power are the worst. Like the school receptionist bitch from hell that I spoke to on my last day. She was simply "too busy" to arrange a short five minute interview with the principal. Apparently fielding calls from sick kids and looking up your lavalife profile adds up to a super important busy job.
Oh, and by the way - I'm now doing work on 4ZZZ on mondays, so, in retrospect, I must have secretly kind of liked radio after all.
Ellie,
Your phone monkey post contained some of the truest words on the Internet. I'm disappointed to inform you that it only got worse once you move into the 'real world' of journalism. I think a lot of secretaries and minders let the power go to their head. On top of that, whenever you say "Can I quote you?" or "Can I record this?" a lot of interviewees think, for some reason, 'lawsuit', and suddenly curl up and don't want to talk. Like they could have that big an impact on the world!!! A book of contacts is such a valuable tool for a journalist... no secretaries or minders, just direct lines. Incredible!
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