The Ultimate List of Rage

I don't like driving. Perhaps it's the Asian in me, but sitting behind the wheel of a potential vehicle of DEATH and wedged in between fellow idiots on the road is a surefire way to fill me with murderous urges.

However, it is a necessary evil if I wish to visit my dear boyfriend. Unfortunately, said boyfriend lives in Chermside and I have to cross the Gateway Motorway to get there.

"Gateway Motorway" is synonymous for "pit of hell where everybody turns into a shit driver". Coincedentally, I have an acute case of road rage.

For no other reason except that it has pissed me off immensely, I am going to write a list of The Ultimate Rages. I tend to screech a variation of the following when driving.


- What's wrong, I'm not going fast enough for you? Wanna tailgate me a bit more? Oh wait, I'm not going to go any faster. I'm doing the speed limit and there are speed cameras around here, you idiot. I hope you get cavity searched with a cactus.

- Overtaking me on the left and you give ME the finger? Please don't reproduce.

- What the... are you revving your car at the traffic lights? You want to race a fucking 97 Barina?! I mean, you will win because you've pimped your shitty ride, but it's like racing a kid with a gimpy leg isn't it? I bet your penis is huge.

- Lesson in communication: when I'm waving you over, it means I'm letting you go in front of me. This is, after all, a merging lane and I am very nice. No, seriously, move over, your lane is about to run out. Move. MOVE. Oh fine, i'll just overtakeOH SHIT NOW YOU'RE MOVING. FUCK YOU.

This is what i look like when i'm driving.

- Okay, I've been indicating for the last few minutes and I would like to change lanes. Hey, here's an openingAARGHHH YOU'RE SPEEDING UP. I'm going to end up at Ipswich if you bastards don't let me change lanes because your over-inflated egos won't let me drive in front of you.

- The main reason I drive on the Gateway is because you can drive at 100km/h on it. Nice and speedy. Hmm, hey person in front of me, why are you only driving at 70? Are you behind a huge truck or something? Wait a minute, I can see in front of you... THERE'S NO ONE THERE. YOU'RE DRIVING AT 70 FOR NO REASON. Okay, overtaking you now. Oh great, NOW you speed up. Jesus Christ, go home before you hurt somebody.

- That's my parking space, you son of a bitch. No, mine. MIIIINE.

- I hate you all, please die!