ellie is a girl i think

What is femininity? Apart from a ridiculous sounding word with far too many syllables, it is a word that describes the state of being female. But what is that state exactly?

There are far too many ideas to choose from.

Femininity could mean motherhood, nurturing, gentleness. That femininity, if it were embodied in an actual female, is a woman like a Pagan goddess of fertility or the Virgin Mary. She's your mum, the mum on TV who makes the best chicken roast in the world and laughs desparingly of the hijinks of her teenage sons. Not to mention has strange conversations with her daughters about tampons.

Femininity could also be busty, seductive and slutty. She's the girl you see stumbling around nightclubs in a too-short skirt and the too-blonde hair rubbing against a football player, waving her pink and very expensive mobile phone around (Hopefully, not like your mum). She has a myspace wHeRe sHe tYpEz LyK dIz.

It could mean lipstick, dresses and high heels. She's into things like getting roses on Valentine's day and dressing up to go to some fancy social occasion. In the 50's she would have been a housewife; nowadays, she'll probably be in uni and earn a respectable job somewhere. I guess a good majority of girls are like this.

There's nothing really wrong with any of those definitions of femininity (well, maybe with the slutty one. I wouldn't encourage anyone to be like that. Aids epidemic and all that).

However, today I took it upon myself to browse the shelves of Target. Suddenly, I got "Shoes" in my head. What the hell is shoes, you ask?

This very stupid music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA

Anyway, I suddenly had a craving to buy a sexy pair of high heels. God knows why. Burst of estrogen, perhaps?

I tottered around for a bit in a particularly ugly pair of shiny black heels that, for some unknown reason, showed random bits of my toe. Unfortunately they were they only vaguely nice shoes in the whole place. My feet looked weird. I looked weird. I looked like a little kid going through their mum's wardrobe, and felt as uncomfortable as a butch girl trying to convince people that she wasn't a man.

"These shoes SUCK!" I exclaimed, throwing them back on the shelf after nearly dislocating my ankle.

I sighed with familiar relief as I put my ratty, grotty Chuck Taylors back on. What was I thinking anyway? I never wear high heels. I hate them. I threw them off halfway through my school formal.

I hated wearing a dress. I hated getting my makeup done. I picked off my nailpolish. I didn't give a toss at all at what everyone else was wearing.

And then I realised that I fail at femininity.

I hate children and you'd have to give me some pretty damn good reasons to pop some out. I feel more maternal over puppies than babies.

I am not busty. I tried on hot pants once but was instantly disturbed at the sight of my own thighs. "I FEEL NAKEY" I recall shrieking in horror. I'm painfully shy around most people, even more so if I fancy a male. Oh and I can spell.

I can count the very few reasons I'm feminine on my hand:
- I put on makeup to cover up the shininess of my face. I am like a freakin' beacon. And sometimes eyeliner because it makes me look older. You know, more so than 15 years old like everyone seems to think i am.
- I get a bit giggly over cute boys. But then again, so do gay men.
- I just bought a really sexy pair of stockings. With LACE.
- My nintendo DS is pink.

THAT IS ALL.

What does this prove? What is the significance of this blog post? The anwer is nothing. Go home. I'm tired and I dont know what I'm on about.