1. You see a sleep-deprived retail worker walking towards you with a heavy trolley filled with hundreds of cheap paperback novels to take to the other store. The pile is so tall that she can barely see where she’s going. You are walking in a wide, mostly empty hallway. Do you:
a) Walk on the other side of the hallway
b) Scream helplessly as the trolley bashes into you
2. You are a QUT student on your way to your next class. You are walking on Ring Road when a car approaches. The driver is a stressed girl trying not to miss her lecture and hoping not to get fined because she hasn’t had time to buy a parking permit. Do you:
a) Move onto the pathway
b) Somehow not notice my car is right behind you and keep waddling on. Gosh, those ‘97 Barinas struggling to get up a hill sure are quiet, aren’t they?
3. You have organised a week prior to meet a very good friend of yours who is keen to see you. Before seeing them, you wake up sick and hung over. What do you do?
a) Try and make an effort to see them, at least for a few hours, or call them as soon as possible \to apologise and explain that you can’t see them because of your irresponsible actions from the night before.
b) Let them know, half an hour after you were supposed to meet them, that you would prefer sleeping, then somehow blame your girlfriend. Your friend and her boyfriend have just spent an outrageous amount of money on cooking a great lunch for you, but you’ve been up since 8, dammit!
4. You like a girl. Ooh, you saucy beast. After getting to know her a bit, you decide to tell her that you like her. She tells you straight out that she is not attracted to you in the slightest. Do you:
a) Feel a bit bummed, but get over it and continue being friends with the girl.
b) Constantly bring up the fact that you used to like her, especially when she has a boyfriend and you have a girlfriend. Maybe your obsessive stalker tendencies will win her over!
5. You are quite lost at the bus stop. How do you find out which bus to catch?
a) Try and work it out on the maps and timetables provided at the bus stop, or ask a local.
b) Stop every crowded bus you see, driving through peak hour traffic, and ask the ones going to Chermside if they stop at the Mater Hospital.
6. You find the blog of a girl you don’t like. Oh, how you hate her! What do you choose to do with your discovery?
a) Nothing. Who cares what some silly tramp has to say about things? You’ve got better things to do with your time.
b) Leave snarky anonymous comments on her entries which attack her personality rather than what she has actually written. THAT WILL SHOW HER!
7. You are at the shops with your toddler son. For some reason or another, he starts crying and screaming, quite possibly because he is possessed by the devil. Either that, or he is protesting the fat ladies in red dresses singing opera outside David Jones. Do you:
a) Go outside and try to calm your son down.
b) Walk into the newsagents and take ages deciding what lotto ticket to buy. Meanwhile, your son is screaming loud enough to summon Satan from the depths of hell. Your tiny brain cannot handle the many different types of lottery tickets so you give up. Suddenly, you notice your son jumping up and down, punching you and screaming, and decide to buy him a sugary treat.
I hate when kids do this.
8. Your children are playing on a giant art installation. Suddenly, you watch in horror as another person’s child falls off the installation to the ground, lying in a pool of blood. After the medics arrive to take him away, you:
a) Tell your children not to play on the art installation
b) Let your children resume climbing on it and are completely dumbfounded when your children fall off and injure themselves.
9. You have had your period all over a chair in a restaurant. How embarrassing. What do you do?
a) Discreetly ask for some napkins and clean it up.
b) Demand that the restaurant staff mop up your menstrual blood.
Now add up your answers!
Mostly A’s: Congratulations, you’re not stupid! You may proceed with living.
Mostly B’s: I’m afraid that you are stupid. Please proceed to the castration room.
The worst thing about this quiz is that all the situations and the stupid answers are true. Good old retail and hospitality.
Damn you, humankind.
Also, it’s my birthday soon. Inquire within on how you can get drunk with me on Friday night!
One last thing: I hear from a few people that they and their friends read this blog. This is a bit freaky because I didn’t think anybody read it! If you are reading this, I would love to read your comments. A mere “I’m reading this!” would be good. I just want to know who actually reads this crap!
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